"Welcome to McCullen Castle. This castle has been the home of the McCullen family for generations and features a unique combination of old world charm and state-of-the-art defenses and weaponry. I'm Mr. McCullen's personal assistant and I will be your guide so step lively and follow me!"
"The first thing you'll notice is all the activity. Mr. McCullen keeps a sizable defense force comprised of the finest trained soldiers in the world."
"The buttresses serve as bridges to the tower on the far side of the river. The river was the castle's original defense and ensures those within will always have a supply of fresh water even during a prolonged siege."
"You'll also notice the array of sensors and weaponry strategically positioned around the castle."
"Inside, you'll find all the necessities of modern castle living such as hi-tech assault rifles and robotic sentries."
"Oh look, there's Ms. DeCobray now. She's being greeted by one of Mr. McCullen's elite soldiers."
"We will begin the tour of the inside of the castle on the ground floor, move our way up to the roof, and then come back down again. There is only one restroom in the castle and it is on the ground floor so please use it now if you must."
"You'll notice the large bronze statue in the foyer. He is the man who built this castle; James McCullen IX who was also known as 'Destro'."
"Mr. McCullen often stands before the statue and contemplates his next business stratagem. Look, there he is now!"
"The second floor is the brains of the castle as it houses the electronic surveillance and control center. There, Mr. McCullen's technicians monitor the castle grounds as well as other vital sites across the globe."
"Git out of 'ere ya no good tourists!"
"Mr. McCullen maintains tight security in the control center so we best be on our way."
"On the roof, you'll notice the large McCullen family crest on the central pillar of the castle. You can also get a closer look at some of Mr. McCullen's 'hi-tech military countermeasures' as he fondly refers to them."
"Inside the central tower you will find the hall of masks. This is truly the heart of the castle as it is where Mr. McCullen stores his beryllium steel masks. Wearing a metal mask is a McCullen family tradition passed down from the builder of this castle."
"I see Mr. McCullen is wearing his gold mask today as the silver and black masks are in their display cases."
"Now we'll follow the upper buttress to the far tower I mentioned earlier."
"Look, there's my Laird now! Mr. McCullen appears to be showing Ms. DeCobray his latest invention to promote world peace. I believe he calls it the 'Weather Maker'."
"This photo was taken during the first test activation of the Weather Maker."
"Mr. McCullen and Ms. DeCobray absolutely adore Paris."
"We'll head downstairs to the R&D laboratory where Dr. Venom is perfecting another of his life enriching inventions."
"Apparently this volunteer requires some medical attention."
"Luckily, other volunteers are ready and willing to take his place in the name of science and peace."
"Finally, I will show you one of Mr. McCullen and Ms. DeCobray's favorite after dinner rituals...the McCullen family pipe organ. It was installed by Mr. McCullen's great grandfather and has been the source of sweet melodies ever since. Toccata and Fugue in D Minor anyone?"
"As we reach the end of the tour, please pay no attention to the monster in the pit. In fact, DO NOT look at it. If you have, consider yourself a permanent guest of McCullen Castle!"